Have you ever been in a conversation where you feel more heard than usual?
Like, not heard, as in simply listened to (though that’s not always a given, so it’s nice too). But heard as in cared about.
That moment, where you’re struck by the feeling that you’ve truly connected.
If so, I’d be willing to bet it was more about what happened when you were speaking than when they were. (At least, from your perspective.)
And when that feeling is mutual? Woo! Look out.
What can’t the two of you do?
Yet the term “good conversationalist,” conjures up images of smooth talkers. It brings to mind people with the gift of the gab; who are never at a loss for words. (At least that’s what happens for me.)
In reality, it’s the opposite that’s true.
People like that can be tiring to talk to (or to be talked at by). You do not typically get to the end of those conversations feeling good.
A good conversation is one where you feel genuinely listened to, cared about…heard. Which means being a good conversationalist is being good at listening to, caring about, and really hearing people.
And looked at like that, it doesn’t sound so hard, does it? Listen more, talk less.
Hearing is the new talking,
James
P.S. Or to quote Ted Lasso (Kayte and I are watching that wonderful, wonderful show right now and my goodness is it living up to the hype): Be curious, not judgmental.
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