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Is it that you can’t do something or that you don’t? It may sound like mere semantics, but hear me out. If you “can’t,” you lack the skills and/or authority to do something. It implies you are unwilling or unable to do something. If you “don’t,” you’ve decided not to do something. It implies you have the authority (and gumption) to make a choice and stick with it. This came up in an exchange I had recently with one of our kids’ friends. I asked about what she’d want to eat, and she said, “I can’t eat meat, but other than that, everything’s fine.” I already knew her family was vegetarian. But in that moment, I saw that it wasn’t a choice she’d embodied. It was a rule she was aware she had to follow. (Note: I don’t know for sure that this is the case. It could be that they’re all vegetarian because she literally can’t eat meat for some unknown digestive reason. But I doubt it.) And I thought of it in terms of business offerings. “We can’t do design work” sounds a whole lot less comforting than “We don’t do design work,” doesn’t it? With the former, you wonder if they’ve tried. With the latter, you’re forced to acknowledge a boundary. And boundaries breed respect. What don’t you do? P.S. I grudgingly acknowledge that “can’t” can also be a healthy result of knowing one’s limitations, e.g., I can’t fly. |
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