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Giving someone your “deepest sympathy” doesn’t seem all that bad, does it? This has been a hot topic all week between Kayte and me, with me wracking my brain to figure out what the deal is with sympathy not being a good thing to give/have. Today, Kayte brought out the Book of Brené (Brown) and read this brilliant quote: “Sympathy and pity are first cousins. They’re the emotions of: We feel bad for you. From way over here where the kind of misery you’re experiencing doesn’t happen.”
Aha! The disinterested customer service agent. The “thoughts and prayers” of politicians. I see the light. And so empathy, on the other hand, is the emotion of: We understand the feeling you’re feeling, even if we haven’t been in your exact situation. (Note: my words, not Brené’s). The person who is willing to just listen. The person who shows you you’re not alone. Sympathy happens at a distance. Empathy happens up close. And when someone’s feeling the pain of, for example, rejection, failure, pain, grief, or loss, they need the support of someone who is willing to care up close. Resolved, |
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